The holiday season brings laughter and joy to families around the world. But, sadly, for children on the autism spectrum, the holidays can be one of the hardest times of the year. The activities that most other children find fun and enjoyable can be overwhelming and lead to sensory overload for children on the spectrum.

Past Christmases

Both of our sons fall on the autism spectrum, but there's a vast difference between Jeremy and Joey. Jeremy is like Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory. Sometimes he's too smart for his own good, but his real struggle is with social interaction. He requires far more emotional support than physical support. However, his brother, Joey, is quite the opposite. Joey falls more along the lines of what most think of when they hear the world autism. As I write this, he's nine-years-old but remains nonverbal and still wears diapers.

Christmas has been very difficult for him. While children on the autism spectrum may struggle with sights, sounds, smells and tastes, his real struggle is sounds. If it gets too loud, he enters sensory overload and ends up having a meltdown. In the past, Christmas morning has been a trigger. Opening presents should be fun, but he had no interest in it. Add in the fact we are usually at my in-laws' house where my wife's sister and her husband and kids also join us, and the sound can become a recipe for disaster.

We spent many Christmas morning trying to convince him to come into the living room to open presents and trying to get him to calm down after he started screaming and crying because it was too loud. It can be disheartening, but like any other parent, we have worked on ways to make the holidays more enjoyable for our children.

Christmas Eve

This year, my wife and I stayed the night at her parents' house on Christmas Eve, so we could get up and open presents with them. Joey struggles to sleep away from his own bed, however, he knows his grandparents well and is often comfortable at their house. While not his typical setting, it's one where he's still in a familiar place. This allows him to remain calm when he's getting tired and actually lay down to sleep.

On Christmas Eve night, my wife went to bed early as she wasn't feeling her best, and I teamed up with my in-laws to help take care of Joey. I made his nighttime medicine as his body struggles to make enough melatonin to sleep and he's on an anti-seizure medication to an epilepsy diagnosis. He has a specific spot in my in-laws' house that he loves, so once my father-in-law finished helping his brother tune his guitar, they moved off the couch and Joey laid down and pulled a heavy blanket over himself. He watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer until he fell asleep.

Unfortunately, even with him being comfortable at his grandparents' house, he will sometimes struggle to stay asleep away from his own bed. It's a risk, but it's one we have to take as we want him to get out and see the world and the world to be a better place by being introduced to more children like Joey. Sometimes he's woken up around 2 AM. This year he slept until around 5:30 AM. While that's still early, any parent will tell you that an early morning on Christmas Day is expected whether your child is on the spectrum or not.

Christmas Day

Joey loves Santa Claus, but I don't know how much of the Santa Claus concept he truly grasps. He likes watching television shows with Santa Claus in them. He associates Santa with this time of year. But when he woke up and saw the presents under the tree, he didn't rush to find his. He didn't rush to get someone to join him. He went into another room in the house to jump on a small trampoline. I don't know if he ever registered it was Christmas morning. I just know he was happy to be jumping.

I slept in a recliner in the living room with Joey. I don't sleep very well on my back due to sleep apnea, but it was important to have someone other than his brother sleeping in the same room as him. If he got up and no one heard him, he could find his way into trouble. Yes, at home, we have locks on every door and cabinet, but at his grandparents' house, he's figured out how to break into a few of these locks, specifically on the freezer. We didn't want him to get up and get into some food that shouldn't be eaten cold without us hearing him.

I woke up several times in the middle of the night, sometimes due to sleep apnea and sometimes due to my own fears of him waking up and me not hearing it. Once he was awake, I was awake with him. I turned on one of his favorite episodes from one of his favorite television show: The Paw Patrol Christmas Special. He sat and watched and laughed and had a wonderful time. After the episode ended, he didn't want to sit, so I took for a short drive around town while everyone else was still asleep. When I came back, everyone else was up and we were ready to open Christmas presents. 

Opening Presents

This can be the hardest part of the morning. Sitting still and opening presents can be the hardest thing for a child on the spectrum who wants to be anywhere else besides the room where all the noise is. This year, we decided to have Joey open his presents first. His mother would start ripping the paper and encourage him to try to finish opening the gift. Unfortunately, this led to him throwing the presents down and running away. He would run back in the room laughing and his grandfather held him to open presents. We were able to get most of his presents open this way as he often likes to be held by his grandfather. They have a special bond, and he will sit still longer with his grandfather than he will with most other people. (Note, sometimes that "longer" period is two seconds instead of one but still longer).

When his aunt, uncle and cousins came over, it was a different ball game. The cousins like opening the presents in front of everyone. They were excited, as most other kids are, for their presents. Joey took off and spent most of his time in another room. His cousins know that it's not because he doesn't love them but because he can't handle noise. They make an extra effort every time they see him to walk right up to him and say "hi." He often smiles and waves and on Christmas Day even gave one of his cousins a hug as soon as she walked in the door. He loves them, but he can't handle the noise that comes with opening presents together on Christmas morning.

Running Through the House

Once all the presents were open, Joey was having fun running through the house and playing, sometimes with new toys he got that day and sometimes with older, more familiar toys. He would play in the same room as his cousins. While he doesn't really play with other children, he is capable of parallel play, so sometimes he can play his own games alongside other children who are playing together.

The next major issue that reared its head was when it was time to eat. Joey loves to eat; it's his favorite thing in the world. However, he also hates the dining room at his grandparents' house. It echoes a lot and if you think his sensory overload is off the charts around other children, you ain't seen nothing yet when tit comes to echoes.

Each holiday, I will join him at a smaller dining room table in the kitchen/dining room at his grandparents' house. It's great for smaller numbers and was their main dining room when they were a family of four. It's not fun to be separated from the rest of the family, but it's what Joey needs. In the end, it's a small sacrifice to make to ensure his holiday is more enjoyable.

Having a Joyful Christmas

Christmas is meant to be a joyful time of the year, but not everyone is able to find joy in the same things. Children on the autism spectrum often find themselves overwhelmed by all the sensory input during the holiday season. Some children can handle the lights while others can't handle the smells. One of our sons can't handle the sounds. Things can get too loud for him even if they seem to be at a normal decibel level for others. But that's no reason parents can't work to ensure their children have the best time during the holidays.

Don't be alarmed if your holiday season doesn't look as planned. Sometimes the child will need their own space to play. They may love aspects of the holidays, especially Christmas, while not loving other aspects. Work with them. Play with them. Meet them in the middle. They want to have fun too. They just might need a little help along the way.